The secret ingredients to a happier marriage

Marriage - it’s a journey filled with highs, lows, and everything in between. And recent findings suggest that tying the knot might be the key to happiness.

Today, we’ll review the Gallup and the Institute for Family Studies claim that being married increases well-being in U.S. adults.

The happiness connection: What the data says

What’s the magic formula for a happily ever after? The folks at Gallup had calls  with over 2.6 million adults between 2008 and 2023 to understand trends between marital status and happiness.

Using a survey technique called the Cantril ladder - a fancy way of measuring how happy folks feel about their lives now and how hopeful they are for the future - they had interesting findings. Turns out, married people, especially those between 25 and 50 years old, tend to be happier than both their single counterparts and their partnered but not married counterparts. 

And get this - even when researchers factored in things like education, income, politics, and religion, being married still came out on top. 

The scoop on a great marriage

So, what sets apart the couples who stick together through thick and thin? According to Christina Eller, a therapist who knows a thing or two about keeping the flame alive, it all boils down to six key characteristics. Here’s the scoop.

1. Know your partner well and validate them

Think of this as knowing your partner like the back of your hand. When you understand their quirks, dreams, and fears, you’re better equipped to be there for them when they need you. It’s all about creating a safe space where they can be themselves without any judgment. 

The happiest couples validate one another, which means not only do they listen to each other, but they also show they truly understand why they feel the way they do.

2. “Turn toward” each other

Picture this: you’re chatting with your partner, and they’re not just listening—they’re really hearing you. Their phone is out of sight, they’re looking at you, showing empathy in their gaze, and nodding in agreement.

That’s what “turning toward” each other is all about. It’s showing genuine interest in what your partner has to say and making them feel valued. Bonus points for calming body language and validating their feelings.

According to the Gottman Institute, happy couples are turning toward their partners 20 times more than distressed couples.

3. Pay attention to those “bids”

Have you ever noticed your partner dropping hints or asking for a little love and attention? These ‘bids for connection’ help keep a marriage healthy and engaged. 

The Gottman Institute found that happy couples who make it long-term are ace at picking up on these subtle cues. They’re not texting or scrolling Tik-Tok when their partner’s talking–they’re all ears and ready to engage.

The happiest couples also respond with curiosity and enthusiasm for each other’s bids for connection. That can range from anything from trying out a new TV show together, joining in for a hike, or joking together over a cup of coffee over breakfast.

4. Resolve conflicts fairly and with respect

Here’s the deal—every couple argues. But the ones who last know how to kiss and make up. They take a breather when things get heated, then come back together to sort things out. It’s all about being vulnerable, understanding each other, and finding common ground.

Eller says, “The ability to repair is so important…Vulnerability helps with emotional connection and trust building. It helps with intimacy in our relationships, and that can make our partners feel recognized and appreciated.

5. Know yourself and how to find zen

Yep, it’s essential to know yourself inside and out for a happy marriage. When you understand your triggers and what makes you tick, you can communicate better with your partner. 

Plus, taking care of yourself—whether it’s a solo hike or a night out with friends—can give your marriage the energy boost and positive vibes it needs to flourish.

6. Understand there will be bumps

Long-standing couples recognize that it’s impossible to have harmony 24/7. Not only that, they use the challenges in their marriage and life as learning experiences. And they look for solutions on how to improve their relationship and friendship through all the bumps and curves in the road.

To help get through the bumps and make their relationship last, strong couples take the time to actively listen to each other's perspectives, find common ground, and agree on solutions. They also practice empathy by trying to understand their partner’s perspective. Showing understanding and support can strengthen bonds and increase balance.

The happiest couples also make a conscious effort to prioritize quality time together when times get tough, whether it's through date nights, shared hobbies, or simply spending time talking and enjoying each other's company. Laughter and love are powerful antidotes to life's challenges, so sprinkle them generously throughout your journey together.

A recipe for a happy future in marriage

So, there you have it—six tips to unlocking a happier, healthier marriage. Remember, it’s not about being perfect. Nothing in life or love is perfect. Instead, it’s about being there for each other through the ups and downs.

Whether you’re already hitched or dreaming of tying the knot one day, use these insights to help you build a love that lasts.

And who knows? With a little patience, understanding, and a whole lot of love, you might just find yourself living happily ever after. Cheers to that!

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